before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
