The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
