I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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