well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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