I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
