He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize