I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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