I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
