My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
