he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
