The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
