Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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