I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Still dying that you shit outside
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
