sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
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We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
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Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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