Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It's Friday. Sex?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
