I accidentally had phone sex last night
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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