guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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