We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
