the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
