You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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