She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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