I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize