Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We had to coat check the pizza.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.