Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.