i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent