He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just invented taco cereal.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
soo... how was my night?
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