mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
