Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
