you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
