Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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