Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
