you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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