I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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