If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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