remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
