I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
