I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
