i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
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I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
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I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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