The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
What drink are we having for lunch?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
