Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
