Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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