I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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