Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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