I've blown a few things in my day
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
