I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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