I am midnight drunk by noon
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
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Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
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I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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