My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
