I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
