If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
