I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
