Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
