I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
