this just has baby written all over it
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
