I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
