Im at strip club and am horny
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
