I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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