Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
