I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
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