can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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