omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
