it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just crazy horny about you
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize