Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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