If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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