hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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